Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
