Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
