Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
