Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
