this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize