Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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