Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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