I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
