I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
