so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
