I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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