I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
