meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
