Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
