So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
