dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It was confusing and full of hummus
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
