Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
