They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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