i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
