After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize