I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
