he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
