i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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