Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
