I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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