you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
