Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
