Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize