My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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