OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
then he tried to convert me to islam
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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