You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
