Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize