I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
