And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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