Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
