If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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