The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
