The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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