I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i think i have two assholes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
