just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
