No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
