just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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