belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Im part way to drunk.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
