why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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