Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
