my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
