Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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