he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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