Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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