i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize