just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
