I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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