We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
