you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
