I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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