he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He has the fingertips of a God
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
