I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
