If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
