I think I won the penis lottery.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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