who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
