I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
