So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize