It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
