don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Even my vagina gasped.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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