You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
A+ Viking dick
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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