I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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