Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
