Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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