Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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