Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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