Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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