omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
