A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
