What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize