I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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