i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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