I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
