I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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