I'm jealous of your bromance
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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