I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
