My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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