I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
