And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
