After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I deserve this hangover.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize