WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i think i have two assholes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize