THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
