I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
