Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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