I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
