and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
