I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
