one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
