Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize