So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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