Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
