i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
