Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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