I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
