I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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