i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
