I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Houston, we have a blender
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Randomize