Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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